ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
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