I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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