So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
