I am full of burrito and curiosity
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You made out with two different species that night
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
