I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You made out with two different species that night
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
