Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
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