Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize