look no pants
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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