i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
