you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Randomize
