She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
