Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
