They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
