im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
