she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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