Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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