Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
