Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(989): View more from Michigan

if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK

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(720): View more from Colorado

haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"

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(818): View more from California

i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids

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(530): View more from California

before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake

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(301): View more from Maryland

She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....

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(303): View more from Colorado

Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...

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(573): View more from Missouri

I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.

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(705): View more from Ontario

All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder

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(901): View more from Tennessee

People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager

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