guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
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