I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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