we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
