Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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