I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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