I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
