The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
