T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
false alarm, still single
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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