my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
