I'm really into asian looking animals
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
