Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize