I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
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