the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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