mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
