If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
