I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
