Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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