did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
