doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize