I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You need Xanax blowdarts
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
