No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
