you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I have already put on my inside pants.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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