We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
do nipples grow back?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
