I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
