It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
