the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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