I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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