i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
