Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
