And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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