What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
