he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
is it fun? or sober?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
