I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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