Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
