it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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