He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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