Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
it glows. i had to have it.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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