It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
