in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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