I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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