Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
