Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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