Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
