Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
