i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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