I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
