remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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