You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
