I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
